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20 years later

Discussion in 'Guest Board' started by MissDeborah69, May 9, 2019.

  1. MissDeborah69

    MissDeborah69 New Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2019
    Messages:
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    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    Trigger warning: discusses domestic abuse and living children

    One of the.biggest things bothering me and holding me back is an abortion I had over 20 years ago. At the time I was an only child, both my parents had died and aI was alone and pregnant and very vrry sick. I told the man I was seeing, he flipped out, went.into a rage and beat me.up. He demanded I have an abortion. I was at a loss with no support. At the clinic I vouiced my reservations, I felt atleadt maybe I could have the.baby and put it.up for adoption. I was sicker than ever to the point I couldnt work and would.have been homeless. The guy was more livid than ever that I didnt go through with the abortion and refused to.help me at all except to pay for the procedure. At that point I was just.hopeless, panicked and scared out of my.mind alone. I couldnt see any way to have that baby by myself. I cried and prayed to God. I only.had one week left before they wouldnt perform an abortion past the first trimester. I decided being as sick as I was and with.no.other option, I went for the abortion. This has haunted me ever sense, especially seeing my friends kids growing up. I am trying to forgive mysrlf, and I seem to blame myself....Not sure why I cant forgive myself, the guy had responsibility too. I dont know what to do.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2019
  2. Trigeo

    Trigeo The Serial Poster Staff Member Administrator Super Moderator Moderator SRG Leader Technical Administrator Support Specialist Manager SRG A5 SRG B5 SRG C5 SRG G5 Emerald Leaves

    Joined:
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    Canada
    Hi, MissDeborah. :j I am so sorry for what you went through, and with no one to support you through it all. It sounds like you had a lot of really difficult factors involved, too. I hope you will register for an account so you can talk on our forums. This board is only seen by other guests and volunteers but our site has a whole community of compassionate people who will support you through your healing. We have members who, like you, have found support manny years or decades post abortion, and healing is still possible. We’re here to help you through this. Hugs. :j
     
  3. C777

    C777 Guest

     
  4. C777

    C777 Guest

    It's such a hard thing to think about. You were bullied. It wasn't your fault. You were also sick. Who knows how it would have all turned out? I get it that seeing friends' kids grow up could be hard. I went through something similar and prayed to God too, and hoped someone would support me or give me an answer or sign. No sign came. I wish there was more support for women who aren't sure...anyway I think years down the road it is easy to forget the very sick, pressured, confused feelings we have at the time, plus dealing with pregnancy symptoms. I don't know where you are in life now but you have a good heart. Can you maybe talk to some people about what happened...you'd be surprised, but probably some of your friends went through similar things and are afraid to share. I do hope you can share your story on the main boards. Also hope women can stop being pressured about this, but it's very hard, so many factors. And sometimes your abuser is really the only person in your life, and that can be hard too. I wish you love in life and can tell you're spreading your kindness where you go.