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[I need support . . .] 3 months grieving

Discussion in 'Guest Board' started by Unregistered, Oct 24, 2015.

  1. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    I had an abortion 3, almost 4, months ago. It was the hardest decision of my life and i feel so my guilt and regret from it. I try to tell myself that it was for the best but I can't convince myself of that anymore. It hurts like nothing I have ever felt before. I didn't consider this until my boyfriend made it clear that he wasn't ready for a child and didn't want a child at this time. He has a daughter already from a previous relationship, and said that it was so hard when he and his ex had her, and they had so many problems because of it. He loves her of course but made it clear that he didn't want that again right now. We fought about the decision a lot. At first, we were both really overwhelmed and didn't know what to think about it, but were happy over all. I'm not really sure what changed his mind, but we don't ever talk about it. The first time I saw a doctor, and got an ultrasound was the happiest day ever, for both of us. Then later when we got home, we argued. Things haven't been the same in our relationship since then. We never talk about our baby or the abortion. He has never told me how he felt about it, and I keep my grief to myself, although I cry all the time when I'm alone. He just carries on like he never cared and like nothing ever happened. How do you get over this pain? Does it ever go away? Tonight was the first time I looked at the ultrasound picture since before the abortion and I broke down. I have been forever changed by the decision I made. I am lonely, afraid, confused, in pain, I feel guilty and have so much regret and resentment within myself and towards my boyfriend. I wish I would've made a different decision. There is not a single day that goes by that I don't think about my baby and the decision I made. I just don't know what to do at this point...
     
  2. Buckette

    Buckette Oldie Staff Member Administrator Super Moderator Moderator SRG Manager SRG Leader Technical Administrator Junior Support Specialist Manager Moderator Manager SRG A5 SRG B5 SRG C5 SRG D5 SRG G5 SRG F5 Sapphire Turquoise butterfly Emerald

    Joined:
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    (((hugs))) I'm so sorry for all you are struggling with. Nothing you are feeling is unusual or unfamiliar to most everyone here, hun, but this board is only seen by admins and volunteers. I strongly recommend that you register for an account and join the wonderful members on the main message boards. It's a good, safe place where everyone understands because they all have been there or are. You are far from alone, I promise.