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Discussion in 'Guest Board' started by skater321, Nov 10, 2014.

  1. skater321

    skater321 Member

    Nov 10, 2014
    I found out i was pregnant just a few days into march of 2008. I just turned 17, i was with my boyfriend for 3 years at that time but iknew if i wanted to keep my baby i would have to keep it a secret. My mother was always pro - abortion so i instantly knew thats what she would say. My boyfriend was just as afraid as i was. We always talked of having kids after we graduated but we both were very happy and thrilled to be parents so soon. I always wish that i could go back and just waited a few more weeks because then i wouldn't be on sites like this...Although teen pregancy is a bit "normal" it was very difficult keeping my pregnancy a secret in school since i had relatives and close family friends who went to the same school. I decided to tell my school nurse and she helped alot with morning sickness in school etc. And keeping me from participating in gym, i will never forget one day she brought in some thing so i could hear his heart beat bc she knew i was to afraid to tell but she was concerned with the fact i was almost in my second trimenster and never had a check up. Ill never forget that sound, i hear it all the time. But my boyfriend never got to hear that, or feel any of those joys i once felt and that makes grieving hard for him i think. But all i remember was telling my parents and then literally 5 days after i told her she made me an appointment 5/21/08 and everything seemed like a blurr. When i was in the office they kept asking if i wanted to do it and i was to afraid to walk out and face my mother so i said yes. But the hardest thing and the one moment i have flash back to alot is before the nurse gave me the anesthesia was she has to confirm there was a baby and i found out it was a boy. But then i kept saying i changed my mind and i said "please stop i changed my mind" then i woke up covered in blood with some girl telling me everything is going to be all right. My boyfriend said he only thing i said on a 4 hr drive home, and kept repeating is "can i see my son now"? My boyfriend and i took his death very hard, we both struggled with depression and attempted suicides, but he seemed to "get better" and i still cry every day over it. I just want to be normal again if thats possible, i just want to get past this so we can heal and start a family.
  2. Miss Chip

    Miss Chip Self confessed chocoholic! Staff Member Administrator Technical Administrator Moderator SRG Leader Tech Support SRG A5 SRG C5 SRG D5 SRG E5 SRG F5 SRG H5 Spring Bouquet Emerald

    Dec 26, 2009
    Welcome to PASS, I see you have made an account here. Talking is really helpful to work through these feelings and you can do so safely here. Everyone is friendly too so don't be afraid to ask for anything if you need it :)
  3. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    Are you and your boyfriend still together? It's not fair what your mom had taken away from you... But looking back, are you able to say it was the more responsible thing to do? You both were still in school, financially unstable and if you hadn't had a checkup close to your 2nd trimester then you had missed important immunizations and tests for the baby. Being older and wiser you're more likely to be able to provide a happier life for a future child, one where you don't have to hide your pregnancy and worry about secrecy. I'm sorry for your loss and as for your boyfriend seeming to move on, I'm sure he hasn't. I'm sure he thinks about it everyday as you do. But because you got to experience even the slightest joy of hearing the heartbeat and you were carrying the baby, the overall experience is more deeply rooted into you than him. You both have had your grieving and struggles with wanting to continue on but at some point you have to see how long ago it was and how much better you've become and realize the better position you're in now.
  4. Buckette

    Buckette Oldie Staff Member Administrator Technical Administrator Super Moderator Moderator SRG Manager SRG Leader Moderator Manager SRG A5 SRG B5 SRG C5 SRG D5 SRG F5 SRG G5 Junior Support Specialist Manager Sapphire Spring Bouquet Emerald

    Nov 10, 2009
    The person you are addressing can no longer see this board, unregistered. It's only seen by guests, moderators and administrators. You are more than welcome to register an account and come onto the main boards, though.

    Time helps, but it can only do so much. It's what we do with that time when we're ready that can do more........and I think we find the help that we need when we are ready to receive it.