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deep regret

Discussion in 'Guest Board' started by Unregistered, Jul 25, 2013.

  1. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    It has been 10 days since my abortion. It was twins. I was 8 weeks. I am 39 and have four kids. My oldest is 17. My youngest are twin ten year olds. When I found out I was pregnant I panicked. My doc did an ultrasound at 6 weeks. She only saw one. I was scared and upset about being pregnant but decided I had no choice but to move forward. Then two weeks later she discovered it was twins. I melted down. My twin pregnancy was so hard. My blood pressure was high and I went into preterm labor which landed me on bed rest with two older kids to care for.
    I was terrified to have it again. I was terrified that something would go wrong with the pregnancy. Our house is tiny and I have to work to make ends meet. I didn't know what to do. I worried my other kids would suffer because of this unplanned pregnancy. I didn't know how to make my house run if ended up on bed rest.

    I had an abortion. My husband was supportive but I knew he kind of wanted me to keep them. He is currently 47. It would have meant 16 hour shifts for Jim to make ends meet. My mom and sister were also supportive. They were worried about my health.

    None of my reasons feel good enough now. I am a mess. I am numb and emotional and distressed. I feel like I stole siblings from my kids. I feel like I didn't think enough about how to make it work. I know I would have been depressed and worried through the pregnancy. But if I had known what I know now I wouldn't have done it. I don't know who I am. I don't know how to forgive myself . I don't know how to not feel empty. I don't know how I can be a good mother knowing what I have done.
    My husband is worried about me. I don't know how to let him know I will be OK.
     
  2. strawberryfields1

    strawberryfields1 If you gave me a chance I would take it, it's a sh Alumni Volunteer

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2012
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    2,514
    Location:
    England
    (((hugs))) I hope you have registered because you have come to the right place :) Everyone here is really lovely and understanding.

    Health factors often play a role in people decisions and we have a board especially for these situations called the maternal health board where you can discuss with other people who have been in similar situations. Financial factors also played a part for many of the women here, and quite a few of them also had other children to think about.

    I know what you mean about none of your reasons feeling good enough - I also felt like this right after my ab and for quite a long time afterwards. All my reasons, which seemed very valid at the time seemed like flimsy excuses however I have now come to understand why I chose that decision and appreciate what a difficult decision it was and can be a bit kinder to myself. We have a saying here at pass that we made what we thought was the best decision based on the knowledge we had available at the time. Hindsight can be a cruel thing and it is easy to think oh I should have just done this but the reality of that is not always that simple.

    We also have a board specifically for issues related to parenting other children after an abortion that you may find useful.

    Remember that you are not alone in feeling like this and you will feel better. That may seem crazy right now, I remember people telling me when I first came here and I thought that would never happen but it is possible. I hope you keep posting and reading through the posts here and that it helps you. I'm not sure if your in the UK or the US but you may be able to acess free post abortion counselling (through charities like care confidential in the UK or EXHALE in the US) and we also run a structured recovery group here.

    Hope this helps :) xx
     
  3. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    Thank you for your reply. I've tried to register. I am having problems logging in.
     
  4. strawberryfields1

    strawberryfields1 If you gave me a chance I would take it, it's a sh Alumni Volunteer

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2012
    Messages:
    2,514
    Location:
    England
    Oh no, when did you register?

    When you register each user has to be approved by one of the tech volunteers individually so it can take a while to actually get in.

    What exact problems are you having and I will pass the message on to a tech volunteer and try and get this fixed for you :) xx
     
  5. sassyuk

    sassyuk Posting Queen! Alumni Volunteer

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2008
    Messages:
    12,707
    Location:
    Leeds UK
    Hi hun Im Sarah and I help with tech support :)
    have you clicked the activation link? if not, click here and type the email you are registered to. once you have done that, check your emails. it may sneek into your spam folder so check that too.
    if you are still struggling, email the tach support email at help@passhugs.com with your username you registered with, the email address and date of birth and I will see what i can do :)
    Sarah xxx
    Tech Support
     
  6. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    I am now a member. I figured it out. I am registered as MissMe. Thank you for helping me.
     
  7. sassyuk

    sassyuk Posting Queen! Alumni Volunteer

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    12,707
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    Leeds UK
    Awesome :) x
     
  8. Miss Chip

    Miss Chip Self confessed chocoholic! Staff Member Administrator Moderator SRG Leader Technical Administrator Tech Support SRG A5 SRG C5 SRG D5 SRG E5 SRG F5 Emerald England

    Joined:
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    England
    I'm so glad you decided to join us over here. There are some awesome people here to talk to and many boards which I'm sure some you will fit into well. If you need anything, feel free to pm me. :)
     
  9. female25

    female25 Guest

    I do not think you should blame yourself for your decition, you did what you thought would be best for your children and yourself - and it is very admirable to not be selfish in such a situation.
    I had an abortion very recently, less than 2 weeks ago and choose it very much because I did not have the financial abilities to take care of a baby and also because it could have made me a single mom. Now it makes me sad just to see something that has to do about babies. I am 25 years old and this was my second abortion.

    I think you should let your husband know how you feel, and try not to blame yourself. I cannot imagine how difficult a decision like that must be when you already have children, I have none myself but still it was difficult for me

    I hope you can get better from your abortion both mentally and physically and recognize what a brave mom you are to put your familys need's before your own.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 13, 2013
  10. strawberryfields1

    strawberryfields1 If you gave me a chance I would take it, it's a sh Alumni Volunteer

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2012
    Messages:
    2,514
    Location:
    England
    Hey female25 have you registered to join our boards?

    I hope you have as, as a guest, you can only see the guest board but we have many more different boards open to registered users :) Including: Multiple abortions, teens and twenties and recent abortion.

    Hope to see you posting soon (((hugs))) Take care of yourself.

    If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts then you need to reach out for help with that not sure if you are in the UK or the US or somewhere else but there are free post ab counselling places that can help. Also you need to tell a Dr whether thats your normal Dr or one at A&E (suicidal thoughts is a medical emergency). Also SAMARITANS are there for people in these kinds of situations, http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you?gclid=CO-ahYGJ-rgCFcLHtAodbR8AbA and this website may be helpful https://www.turn2me.org/?gclid=CMjdqc-I-rgCFQTHtAod_T0Arw. Rest assured you are certainly not the only member on the board that has these feelings, but hopefully through getting better from your PASS (yes feeling better is possible - we have a saying here that PASS will pass and however untrue this may seem at the moment it is true!)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 13, 2013