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[Sad post] I don't know how to do this anymore

Discussion in 'Guest Board' started by Unregistered, Oct 1, 2015.

  1. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    I'm sorry to say I'm new here. I wish I weren't. My abortion was last Friday. I was 11 weeks and 3 days along.

    I'm type 1 diabetic. Children were never a desire of mine but even if I did want them, the risk of me being pregnant was so high I knew I never would. Then it changed.

    I'm struggling so much with this. I don't feel guilt. I feel anger that this happened as well as well as anger that so many other can have children without there being damage done to their bodies or their future fetus. I feel inadequate as a woman.

    I'm afraid of sex right now. I don't know why or how else to describe it as it doesn't seem rational. I can't eat or sleep very much. I truly just want to numb the pain. Each time I fall asleep I dream of a child that I either aborted or an older child of whom I have limited amount of time to spend because he won't be mine much longer. I start crying when I see moms with children because I can only imagine the life I took away. My body is screaming at me, "I miss my baby! Give it back!" and I'm finding it difficult to sufficiently explain my decision so that it doesn't hurt anymore.

    I've never wanted kids- but I find myself wanting to be pregnant again even though it is not healthy for me.

    So... I don't know how to do this. I'm struggling so much and it seems like there's no light at the end of the tunnel. I miss my baby. :( I don't know how to be ok after this. The pain is indescribable and constant.

    Is anybody out there? Will anyone please help? ;(
     
  2. Buckette

    Buckette Oldie Staff Member Administrator Super Moderator Moderator SRG Manager SRG Leader Technical Administrator Junior Support Specialist Manager Moderator Manager SRG A5 SRG B5 SRG C5 SRG D5 SRG G5 SRG F5 Sapphire Turquoise butterfly Emerald

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2009
    Messages:
    26,815
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Oregon
    I'm so sorry for all you've been through and all you are going through, hun, but the best recommendation I can give you is to register for an account and join the members on the main boards. It's a good, safe, neutral site where everyone understands and no one is ever judged...........we've all been there.

    This board is only seen by admins and volunteers and is largely meant to help those having difficulties logging in or registering.

    I hope to see you on the inside. I think you'll find what you are looking for there.
     
  3. Miss Chip

    Miss Chip Self confessed chocoholic! Staff Member Administrator Moderator SRG Leader Technical Administrator Tech Support SRG A5 SRG C5 SRG D5 SRG E5 SRG F5 Emerald England

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2009
    Messages:
    33,897
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    England
    Hi there,
    I can only reiterate what has already been said. Come and join us on the main boards. There are hundreds of women sharing their stories and giving each other support through their difficult times. You aren't alone with these feelings.