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[Help!] irrational fears

Discussion in 'Guest Board' started by Unregistered, Oct 13, 2014.

  1. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    Hi my names ash.
    I have 3 kids 8, 9 & 10.
    About 6 years ago I had an abortion. I suffer with depression and pnd. So me and my partner decided another baby so close wasnt going to help with that.
    I got through the abortion and my way of coping was thinking that I hadn't aborted our baby we had put it on hold for a few years.
    A few years later circumstances changed and we decided to try for baby number 4.
    It took forever to get pregnant. I blamed myself and thought I was being punished for what I had done. It took 3 years but we finally got pregnant. I spent the whole pregnancy thinking something will go wrong because of what I did it was awful.
    I suffered badly with spd and all sorts of pains but I delivered my baby safely Feb 18th this year :)
    The problem is my ffees haven't gone. I now spend every moment thinking he's going to die.
    Why can't I shake this feeling. Why do I still feel so guilty. I can't forgive myself for what I did. I was so anti abortion and then I went and did it. I still feel like it happened a few days ago it's so raw. Sometimes I still cry over it. I need to move on hut I cant. All i see in my head is that I aborted out perfect little baby. I even convinced myself it was a boy and i've just had a boy too.
    I don't know what to do anymore. I feel too stupid to tell anyone.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2014
  2. ~Karen~

    ~Karen~ ✿*¨✿¨*✿*¨✿¨*✿*¨✿¨*✿ SuperMod ~ Volunteer Manager ~ Super Moderator Alumni Volunteer

    Nov 18, 2003
    Glos, England
    Hi Ash,

    Whether the fears are irrational or not, they are real and that makes them and how you feel valid.

    Do join the boards and create an account, these ones are only seen by admins, volunteers and guests, but going into the main boards you'll soon see you're not alone. Forgiveness can take time, often we have to give ourselves permission to forgive and to heal

    You're welcome here :)