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[struggling!] My story

Discussion in 'Guest Board' started by C.V.T, Apr 13, 2016.

  1. C.V.T

    C.V.T New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2016
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    Were do i begin, I've been holding this pain for 2 years. Not being able to talk about it or just vent has been a lonely road. I googled this site wondering if there was anyone who shared similar stories. I was 31 years old in a relationship with 2 children when i found out i was pregnant. I wasn't feeling well so i made an appointment for a checkup. They couldn't find anything so they did an ultra sound. That day and moment i was told i was pregnant with a boy and I was 4 months along. I was initially shocked but the overwhelmed with joy. The first appointment with my OBGYN I was referred to a different doctor and that didn't happened with my previous pregnancies. I went in for test once a week, i remember a syringe being put straight thru my belly to draw liquid from my baby's head. Results came back and i got the worst phone call of my life. I was told my baby had liquid in the brain and down syndrome, you can imagine my reaction. Doctor tells me to think about my options and i was offended! Grew up a christian and not believing in abortion so this was a total shock. I felt up agains the wall with all these decisions and not enough time. I talked to different people about children with disorders and asked about the delivery and i was told the baby might not even make it to birth. In one month i felt my child move in me and saw in the ultrasound pictures how his head was bigger on one side. Honestly I exhausted my mind trying to make a decision and i didn't have enough time. I went with it feeling like the worst person ever. The abortion experience was horrible, I saw young women there like it was just another day for them. I was put in the room and all I could do was cry, I felt contractions and labor pain but I felt that was my punishment for what was going to happen. They put the mask to put me to sleep and i panicked crying and holding on the my belly saying "Im so sorry" and "Please forgive me". I woke up crying still with an empty stomach feeling lost and grieving my boy. I spent a week in bed depressed, then my boobs got milk and that made it worse. I got counseling in the beginning, it helped me vent and feel a bit relieved. Now 2 years later I still get that empty feeling inside like something is missing. No matter what that spot in my heart will always hurt for him. My due date was on my birthday so every year its tough on that day. Thank you for allowing me to vent and not feel judged.
     
    Twin Flame likes this.
  2. Buckette

    Buckette Oldie Staff Member Administrator Super Moderator Moderator SRG Manager SRG Leader Technical Administrator Junior Support Specialist Manager Moderator Manager SRG A5 SRG B5 SRG C5 SRG D5 SRG G5 SRG F5 Sapphire Turquoise butterfly Emerald

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    I'm so very sorry for all you've been through, hun, and I hope getting your story out helped some.

    Right now, you are on the Guest board which is only seen by volunteers and administrators, but when you receive your email confirmation and log in to the main boards you will find members who have had similar stories and many more members who's stories may not be the same but who really do understand what you are feeling.
     
  3. Trigeo

    Trigeo The Serial Poster Staff Member Administrator Super Moderator Moderator SRG Leader Technical Administrator Support Specialist Manager SRG A5 SRG B5 SRG C5 SRG G5 Yellow Rose Turquoise butterfly Emerald Hot Drink Angel February Leaves

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    You've been through so much and I'm glad you have found us. Your story resonates with me in a way, and once you have joined us on the main boards I will look for you and share some of my experience. Knowing others have been where you are can be so helpful. You're not alone.
     
  4. Twin Flame

    Twin Flame ...that place between sleep and awake... Alumni Volunteer Wave

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    I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling. You are definitely not alone. :hug:
     
  5. birdwatcher

    birdwatcher Posting Queen! Staff Member Moderator SRG Leader SRG D5 SRG G5 SRG E5 SRG F5 Moon Balloon Balloon Balloon Balloon Emerald Halloween Bats

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    Hey hon, you're not alone. Please do join our main boards when your email confirmation comes. We want to support you. ((HUGS))