1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. For every glitter purchase made this month, you will receive a surprise glitter gift as a token of our appreciation.

    What will it be? We can't tell you, but it will be sparkly and FREE!

    Go ahead and make your glitter purchases to take advantage of this special offer!
    Dismiss Notice

need help for my girlfriend Please

Discussion in 'Guest Board' started by Unregistered, Apr 27, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    My girlfriend had an abortion in december only a few days before christmas day but it was the date given and we couldnt leave it any longer.Ineed to know what things i can do to help her.shes only 18 and didnt tell her parents she didnt have an adult she felt she could talk and has admited to me she thought she couldnt talk to me.I dont feel she regrets the choice but its affecting her every day.She crys all the time and i ask why not because im dumb and dont see what shes gone through but because i want to understand more and help her but i dont know what to do we never seem to get any where or reach a point where she feels any better.I understand it will never go away but i just want things to bit a bit easier for her at least.Im male 20 and feel alienated from talkin to any women about the subject for obvious reasons.I know she wants to talk about it to someone but shes shy and doesnt know where to turn.iI Could go on forever and dont really know where to end this or what people would need to know to suggest help.but im open to anything please.
     
  2. ~Karen~

    ~Karen~ ✿*¨✿¨*✿*¨✿¨*✿*¨✿¨*✿ SuperMod ~ Volunteer Manager ~ Super Moderator Alumni Volunteer

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2003
    Messages:
    107,474
    Location:
    Glos, England
    (((Hugs)))

    Firstly, you are able to join the boards and if you do, we have a board for Men to support each other, to share their own thoughts and feelings and you will get reponses from female members too ~

    Its hard, but it took me a long time to accept that my own bf and ab father had no understanding of how I felt....

    Check out these links too
    http://www.afterabortion.com/men_relatives.html
    http://www.afterabortion.com/do_dont.html

    As they both contain helpful info, particularly the Do's and Don'ts list which will give you a good place to start....

    But also, I hope that she will consider joining us too, there is no pressure to post, but she will receive wonderful unconditional support, or she can simply read to know that she isn't alone.....

    She needs time to grieve her loss, she needs love and support, someone she can turn to, that eve n if you dont understand you are able to listen ~ those links are a good start, but do join up on the boards :j

    Am here if you need anything :j

    Much love, Karen xxx
     
  3. Lil V

    Lil V Don't treat me any different to how u would treat

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2005
    Messages:
    5,067
    Location:
    London
    welcome to the boards, i truely hope your gf can find peace.
     
  4. novastarr2006

    novastarr2006 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2006
    Messages:
    321
    I think you should tell her about this place. I'm so glad I found it. Theres tons of support here and it might help your gf. through this difficult time. >>>Hugs<<<
     
  5. Holley

    Holley Supreme Posting Queen Alumni Volunteer

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2004
    Messages:
    12,544
    Welcome to the boards :j

    Take a look at those links that Karen provided and if you feel comfortable doing so, I do hope you'll join us over on the Men's forums.

    Take good care of yourself and yoru g/f. :j


    {{{WarmHugz}}}
     
  6. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    thank you for your help
     
  7. pepperemilie

    pepperemilie Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2006
    Messages:
    72
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia-AHHHHHHH!
    I think we can all relate to what she's going through and I know it is frustrating for you because you're right--it is pretty much impossible for you to understand--even if yuo think she doesn't regret it, what she's going through right now is the most confusing thing ever.

    My boyfriend and I finally figured things out but it honestly took ages to find a way for me to be able to want to talk to him and him to feel like he was helping. I honestly hated him for a while--not like how you think. It's just really hard to have gone through this with somebody and to be the "only" one suffering the consequences or feeling certain feelings that are impossible for you to feel.

    All I can tell you is to just be there for her every which way. She is going to frustrate you so much with her feelings right now but honestly the only way you can help her is to stick out your frustration and talk to her about EVERYTHING that she wants to talk about. If she wants to day dream about what it would have been like then participate in that with her. If she wants to cry like a crazy person for 2 hours then do that with her--not the crying obviously--but you know what I mean.

    If you want you can try and e-mail me about this or give her my e-mail to talk to me about it. Talking and helping other girls actually helps me loads also. tell her to come on her and get registered--it has helped me so much. but let me know if you want me to help out. just hang in there and give her loads and loads of cuddles.
     
  8. Polly'sWings

    Polly'sWings i'm not crazy.

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2005
    Messages:
    4,624
    Location:
    USA
    i think you're doing a wonderful thing by caring enough to try to find her help. and while i don't know you, just your first post indicates that you have a better grasp than many fellows about what's going on. i hope you both are able to find some healing. it *can* take a long time for some people (it took me years) but i think the sooner you know you aren't alone and have an outlet to talk and information about what might be going on re:pASS, the sooner you can start to heal. it can be hard, it can feel hopeless but i hope neither of you give up. it's possible to heal.
     
  9. Janet

    Janet Can't stop me

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2003
    Messages:
    5,728
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Greenwood, SC
    It's so wonderful that you have come here searching for something to make this difficult decision easier for your girlfriend. It shows how much you really care. I know it's not exactly a heartwarming thing to hear, but if it affects her day to day, she's probably suffering from PASS in some way, shape, or form. It's very true that from a womans point of view you don't understand. It's more than "termination" to most of us, it's a physical loss of our possible child. That's why if you notice, after you join, a lot of members here have named their ab babies so they can have something tangible. Tell her about the site, tell her you happened upon it because it was difficult for you too, that way she won't feel so alienated by it and the fact you were searching JUST for her. both of you can join if you feel comfortable doing so. it's even ok NOT to post, but to be a member and read and see that you're not so alone in the feelings and emotions that seem to come out of the deepest crevaces of your heart. Please keep us updated, and good luck. You are both in my thoughts.
     
  10. ~Elvira~

    ~Elvira~ Guest

    You're a really sweet guy for trying to help. She is very lucky to have your support. Good luck to you both.
     
  11. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    all of your advice and kind words have really helped.its still hard but this has made a difference.thank you
     
  12. whereismyheart02

    whereismyheart02 So Proud Of Where I Am And Who I Have Become Alumni Volunteer

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2006
    Messages:
    4,588
    Location:
    Virginia
    Don't give up on her...... I really think if you got her to come to this site it would help a lot. She doesn't even have to write anything. If she reads what we have said about our experiences then she will know that there ARE others out there that are going through the same pain. She will not be judged but instead welcomed here with open arms! You are good for worrying about her like you are!
     
  13. silverbraclet

    silverbraclet Senior Member Alumni Volunteer

    Joined:
    May 10, 2006
    Messages:
    524
    Location:
    London, UK
    Yep yep yep! wanted to agree with all of this and add my own welcome!
    x x x x x Healing is a marthon not a sprint but it is possible, and diagnosis of pass is so helpful, stopped me feeling i was going crazy !
     
  14. Daisychain6

    Daisychain6 A warm light shines through the dark clouds now,we

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,632
    Location:
    The south coast,UK
    Hello 'Unregistered'

    Firstly I wanted to just say how brave and thoughtful it was to not only seek help but Post...
    How are you both doing? I know you are seeking help for your girlfriend,which I think is just so lovely and shows your love and care for her, how are you BOTH coping?

    We are here for you both and we totally understand and care......
     
  15. cute_babigurl1987@hotmail.com

    cute_babigurl1987@hotmail.com New Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2006
    Messages:
    2
    Location:
    Small Town, Ontario, Canada
    hey, well I had an abortion last september, and let me tell you it was the hardest thing ever! and i mean it. i knwo what your girlfriend is going through and it is not one bit fun. no matter ho wmany people you have around you, it just feels like your all alone! and theres nothing you can do about it if your gf needs anyone to talkto about it give her my email address.... and i will be happy to talk to her and help her through it! my email is
    cute_babigurl1987@hotmail.com
    Rachel*
     
  16. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    this weekend has been one of the hardest and im feelin really alone.our baby would have been due this weekend and its broke my heart more than i ever could have imagined.my girlfriends gone on holiday 2day for the week with her friends so she not home at this time and so her minds off things as much as it can be.but i feel so sad and really feel like i need her here with me.its always been what can i do for her because i feel guilty that she went through more than me and still is but now i need help.i cnt concentrate on anything and i feel so low,i kept most of it to myself because i didnt wnt to ruin things for her.but i feel lost
     
  17. ~Karen~

    ~Karen~ ✿*¨✿¨*✿*¨✿¨*✿*¨✿¨*✿ SuperMod ~ Volunteer Manager ~ Super Moderator Alumni Volunteer

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2003
    Messages:
    107,474
    Location:
    Glos, England
    (((Hugs)))

    why dont you consider joining our boards and coming and finding support for YOU, we have many male members, and we have a board specifically for mens support.

    This will give you the chance to focus on YOU and how you feel in relation to the abortion, and may be able to help you in terms of giving support to your gf too :j
     
  18. phaera316

    phaera316 My power is in the present moment.

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2004
    Messages:
    3,175
    Location:
    Misery, MissourAH, MissourE - however you say it!
    I am so sorry....anniversaries can be especially hard. My ab dad and I released balloons on our angels' EDD last year with their names and angel dates on them ... it helped us to commemorate them in our memories and have that special bond be recognized together. There are a lot of ideas for memorials and ways to commemorate the memory of your angel if that is something that appeals to you...releasing those balloons helped me in more ways than I imagined.

    First annis are always very hard. We're here to listen and we do have a lot of wonderful members here to support you should you choose to come over to the Men's board. Some men do experience PASS, and I know that there are a lot more men out there who have grief over their partner's ab than get support for it - which is why it is a great place that this site exists as well for the men, partners, relatives, friends of someone who has had an ab. I know that my ab dad had a lot of feelings about the ab...he doesn't say much, but it's there, when we see something together on TV and he comments on it, or he has tears in his eyes about something I have said regarding our angels...

    I hope that you two can continue to be there for each other and communicate to each other how hard it is on you right now.

    Phaera316
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.