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Needing help that I can't find.

Discussion in 'Guest Board' started by SavannahBoucher, Oct 12, 2011.

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  1. SavannahBoucher

    SavannahBoucher New Member

    Oct 12, 2011

    My name is Savannah and I am 18 years old. Three years ago from October 2nd of this year I had an abortion. I think I lost my virginity only a couple months before I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend at the time was my first real boyfriend, but we didn't get along too well and I was only 14 when I met him-15 when I had the abortion. All I can remember is being very sick with morning sickness, and that's what triggered my mom into thinking I was pregnant. She bought be a couple pregnancy tests and left me in the washroom to do my business. When I told her I was done, the test said positive. We both cried for a few hours, because neither of us knew what to do. I called my boyfriend to let him know, and he didn't know what to do either. After about a week or two, my mom, boyfriend and I had decided the best thing for us to do was for me to get an abortion. Of course because I was so young, I think my mom had more say than I did. I cried everyday just thinking about what was going to happen in only less than a month. My first appointment-the papt test, I felt as though I was going to have a heart attack. The room I went into for that I also went in for my actual abortion. Before-hand anyways. My heart was racing, and the nurse noticed when she took my blood pressure and asked if I was nervous-I was. My second appointment was my ultra-sound. It went well without any hesitation. The day of my abortion, I drove there with my mom. I went into the room, got asked to put on a blue nightgown, a blue head piece, and little booties. I had to take out my contacts, take my nailpolish off etc. I left that room and went into another all alone. I was waiting in the waiting room for a little while before I got called in. I remember walking into a giant operation room, with about 6 doctors and nurses all around. They asked me to lay on the bed and they began to insert I.V's and talk me through the process until they were going to put me out. At this time, I was almost in panic mode. The nurse notified me when they were going to put the stuff into my I.V to make me fall asleep, and she asked me to count down from 10. By the time I got to 4 I was completely asleep. When I woke up, I had a few women around me and nurses were running around everywhere. I heard a loud siren and someone yell 'Code Blue' a few times and got scared but no one ran over to me. When they noticed I was awake, they moved me into my own private room until my mom and boyfriend came in to see me. When I saw them, my boyfriend grabbed my hand and started to cry. The nurse had to take my I.V out so he had to let go. When it was time for me to get my clothes on and go home, my mom and I talked in my room for a few minutes. I wanted to go home with her, but my boyfriend wanted different and I thought he needed me at a time like this just as I needed him. We did not end up staying together. He was an abusive boyfriend-physically and emotionally. I did not get the help I needed to cope, because I had moved 4 hours away from everything I was used to before my abortion. When I moved to where I am now, my school tried to help me. They got me involved in something called 'Project Rachel' which is counseling about abortions. They made me feel uncomfortable, so I didn't stick with it. It has been 3 years, and still to this day I am traumatically depressed, I have anxiety . I don't want to be this way forever, I just need to find the right kind of help. I feel as though I'm in a hole right now, attempting to dig myself out but I get nowhere. I dropped out of school, lost a good job and feel like I'm almost turned into dust. If there is anyone, I mean anyone out there that can help me, please let me know. I need you the most out of anything right now.

    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 12, 2011
  2. ~Karen~

    ~Karen~ ✿*¨✿¨*✿*¨✿¨*✿*¨✿¨*✿ SuperMod ~ Volunteer Manager ~ Super Moderator Alumni Volunteer

    Nov 18, 2003
    Glos, England

    !9 to the boards. Im glad you've found us. You've made this post on the guest board, which is only seen by admins and techs and people who are struggling to get access to the boards, so I am going to copy the post over into the boards now that you've approved your email.

    I hope that being here, will enable you to get out of that hole that you're finding yourself in, but please know that we're all here to help you \h
  3. Suji

    Suji New Member

    Oct 18, 2011
    Hi Savannah. I'm so soooo sorry you're going through this, feeling so alone. I know how you feel. I'm not gonna tell my story cause I don't want to take away from the grief and pain you feel- just trust me when I tell you I really, really know where you're coming from. There's not much I can say to try to make you feel optimistic and I'm sorry :( Sometimes it just helps to know you're NOT alone, and hopefully I can be there for you the way you need people to be.
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