Opening up for the first time...

[sammysweetiexoxo]

First of all I have never confided in a forum about this.. but I am still so sad, so anything is worth trying. I randomly found this site and I feel like it was a sign.
I am 23 years old.
I found out I was pregnant in June of this year, and got an abortion in June of this year.
I am always an empath..
For people who don't know what that is, being an empath is when you are affected by other peoples energies, and have an ability to intuitively feel and perceive others.. including pregnancy and children.
This happened 6 months ago, and now is when I feel sadder than ever. The reasoning behind the abortion is more than enough, but I feel so guilty, ashamed.. just awful. I've gained a tremendous amount of weight (empath trait..) and I feel like I am literally dying. My body hurts, my heart hurts, I have constant nightmares, I want to cry 24/7, etc. Although I know I made the right choice, and I have no *real* regrets, but I feel like part of my soul missing, I'm broken, and now is when I have no idea what to do.

 

[Trigeo]

This board is seen only by other guests and admin and volunteer staff but if you create an account for our site, you will have access to our compassionate community and thousands of threads, hun. Many of us know we made the right choice and don't regret it but still grieve deeply. Healing is possible and by joining our site you will have so much support along the way. Hugs.

 

[birdwatcher]

Hey hon, I am so sorry you're struggling. I hope you'll consider registering for an account and joining us over on the main boards. You'll find a lot of support there. ((HUGS))

 

[22 year old]

First of all I have never confided in a forum about this.. but I am still so sad, so anything is worth trying. I randomly found this site and I feel like it was a sign.
I am 23 years old.
I found out I was pregnant in June of this year, and got an abortion in June of this year.
I am always an empath..
For people who don't know what that is, being an empath is when you are affected by other peoples energies, and have an ability to intuitively feel and perceive others.. including pregnancy and children.
This happened 6 months ago, and now is when I feel sadder than ever. The reasoning behind the abortion is more than enough, but I feel so guilty, ashamed.. just awful. I've gained a tremendous amount of weight (empath trait..) and I feel like I am literally dying. My body hurts, my heart hurts, I have constant nightmares, I want to cry 24/7, etc. Although I know I made the right choice, and I have no *real* regrets, but I feel like part of my soul missing, I'm broken, and now is when I have no idea what to do.

 

[22 year old]

Hi there

I resonate with what you said deeply. I also consider myself an empath, always have.
I haven't said this out loud. & I have deep shame when I say it, but I felt that maybe if I could share my story with you, and it help then its all worth it.
When I was 19 I was dating a guy and I got pregnant, I was scared to death - I had gone my whole life unhappy. & I knew he wasn't the one for me. So I got an abortion. I struggled with it deeply, but I picked myself up and I moved forward. The boyfriend later cheated on my a few months after and I felt confirmation we weren't supposed to be together, and that, that spirit knew it wasn't going to come into this world right away after all.
For two years I learned how to re-love myself, developed self compassion for myself and understanding. I worked through years of trauma and pain. I was the best I had ever been, promoted at work, scholarships at my university, I was healthy, fit, and I loved my life.
I met the man of my dreams, and then a few months in it became extremely abusive. Emotionally he drained me, his demons became mine and and he judged me for my past. It wasn't until our blow up, the pushed me to the floor and scared me to death. I left to go be with my family, the next day to get away from him and then...found out I was pregnant. again.


I loved him deeply, but I didn't want my child to have an alcoholic abusive father.
We imagined our lives together, imagined our wedding, and babies and when he was sober..he was everything. But after our blow I thought, how could I bring a baby into this world. That soul, I think about it everyday. I hold the shame of having TWO abortions, even though I knew both wouldn't have been good situations for either one of us.
Listen, if it wasn't the right time for you, it just wasn't. I pray that the soul of that baby will come back to me. I pray to be forgiven but know that you already are. God gave you the ability to be an empath because you are special, because you care. That makes you incredible and nothing less. I am so sorry you are hurting. Know that I am right there with you, by your side in spirit. & so is that soul.

 

[Trigeo]

22 year old, I hope you will register and join us on the main forums.