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Question

Discussion in 'Guest Board' started by GB33, Apr 7, 2016.

  1. GB33

    GB33 Member

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    Hello, I want to first say I am sorry if I should not be here. I am a male and husband so don't know if that is not allowed. If so I will leave right away. A good friend who is female told me to come here.

    What I am seeking here is there a forum that I can look and talk to others for guidance? My situation I recently found out due to my background how I grew up my wife had issues and aborted a pregnancy without my knowledge. I only found out due to her being temp hospitalized from depression from other things. Before that she told me due to her being pregnant as a teen (another guys not mine) there was complications and if she was to get pregnant there would be issues for her or the baby. I didn't want her to go thru that so I got a Vasectomy. Needless to say this new development with information has hit me hard. I am struggling with how to deal and move forward together.

    Thanks
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 12, 2016
    birdwatcher likes this.
  2. Trigeo

    Trigeo The Serial Poster Staff Member Administrator Super Moderator Moderator SRG Leader Technical Administrator Support Specialist Manager SRG A5 SRG B5 SRG C5 SRG G5 Yellow Rose Turquoise butterfly Emerald Hot Drink Angel February Leaves

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    Hi, there, once you get your email to activate your account, you can access the main boards and we have a board there specifically for men and support people. We don't discuss PC/PL issues in detail (as per site rules) but you are able to talk about your experiences and feelings and will receive support from our members. Hope to see you over there soon.
     
  3. GB33

    GB33 Member

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    Thanks Trigeo for your response. I will wait on the email and look into the section to talk in.

    I am sorry I am not familiar with message boards but what did you mean when you said PC/PL issues? I don't know those terms. I am not here to judge or start any trouble just want to understand what happened to us and why maybe my wife did what she did that is all. Thanks.
     
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  4. Trigeo

    Trigeo The Serial Poster Staff Member Administrator Super Moderator Moderator SRG Leader Technical Administrator Support Specialist Manager SRG A5 SRG B5 SRG C5 SRG G5 Yellow Rose Turquoise butterfly Emerald Hot Drink Angel February Leaves

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    It's okay, it takes time to learn all the rules,not to mention the lingo....I still have to look up some of the abbreviations. I was referring to Pro Choice/Pro Life. We are very careful to avoid debating these issues as it is very triggery for many and also distracts from the healing. Moderators will edit or delete posts that go against the site rules, and it's done to keep this a safe place for all, but never be afraid to PM (private message) or post up if you have a question about anything.
     
  5. GB33

    GB33 Member

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    Ok thank you again for explaining and letting me know what that all means. And like I said I will not be getting into any of that discussion. My issue is about my wifes abortion and me not the abortion or who does it itself. That is not my place to say anything to anyone on that.

    Thanks again for reaching out.
     
  6. birdwatcher

    birdwatcher Posting Queen! Staff Member Moderator SRG Leader SRG D5 SRG G5 SRG E5 SRG F5 Angel Moon Seashell Balloon Balloon Balloon Balloon Emerald Halloween Bats

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    You are welcome to post here. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Once your account is activated, please come to the boards. We're here to listen.
     
  7. GB33

    GB33 Member

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    Thanks birdwatcher and Trigeo. I am here cause I found out that my wife had an abortion without my knowledge. There are other issues along with that but this one caused me the most hurt. She has a child from her teenage years that I have helped raise. I have been part of this girls life since 7 and she is now 21. Treat her like she is my own and she feels the same way.

    My wife without telling me has had thoughts that she missed her youth raising a child so young and alone before she met me. And if we had a child yes there would be a big age gap. I never pressured her to have kids but with her blessing we tried for a bit. She told me that due to her pregnancy at young age there was complications and could be a hard birth now for her. She was scared. So I said I would never want her to go thru that and be at risk. She asked if I was ok if she got off birth control as it was making her gain all her weight she was experiencing if I would get a vasectomy to take out any chance. I said you bet and got it done.

    I found out later that when I was on business she got an abortion. That she was upset that she would have to do motherly duties all over again. Plus even though I have pretty much raised her daughter she was worried that due to my past that the child would have to deal with that or I would leave. This hit me hard. I never knew my father he left when I was very young and my mom left when I was around 8 for a new life with a new guy. I bounced around foster care till I was old enough to be on my own. My wife was always on the outside supportive of my past and how I overcome all that going to college and getting a decent job and such.

    Needless to say all this information has hit me hard and I am struggling to know what to do, the why or anything I can relate to it.
     
  8. Miss Chip

    Miss Chip Self confessed chocoholic! Staff Member Administrator Moderator SRG Leader Technical Administrator Tech Support SRG A5 SRG C5 SRG D5 SRG E5 SRG F5 Emerald England

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    Of course you are welcome here. We do have men join us for advice, although the male front is a bit quiet but we women do like to help where we can. People deal with grief in different ways and although you didn't know about the pregnancy, you are now dealing with the loss of it. You aren't alone. Hopefully you will get the email soon.
     
  9. PrincessEpona

    PrincessEpona Chatterbox Alumni Volunteer SRG Leader SRG A5 SRG B5 SRG C5 SRG D5 SRG E5 Emerald

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    Hi and welcome

    I am so sorry you're going through this. I understand why you're hurt and upset and am glad you came to the boards for help.

    I can't speak for her in saying why she handled things the way she did but I can encourage you to find ways, in addition to being here, to support yourself. How are you coping with your feelings about the situation?

    Journaling and posting here can be hugely helpful tools for coping with all of our feelings. Writing a letter to her and letting her know how you feel and that you are there for her now just as you always have been may be helpful for you both.

    Here are some additional links you might find helpful:

    Main PASS site
    http://www.afterabortion.com/index.html

    Dos and Don'ts for Support People
    http://www.afterabortion.com/do_dont.html

    And for when you get your email... the link to the Men, Relatives, and Friends board:
    http://www.passboards.org/forumdisplay.php?f=14

    Please keep posting and know that we are here for you. And don't hesitate to reach out if you want or need to talk via private message as well.
     
  10. Trigeo

    Trigeo The Serial Poster Staff Member Administrator Super Moderator Moderator SRG Leader Technical Administrator Support Specialist Manager SRG A5 SRG B5 SRG C5 SRG G5 Yellow Rose Turquoise butterfly Emerald Hot Drink Angel February Leaves

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  11. GB33

    GB33 Member

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    Thanks Trigeo, I clicked that link so hopefully I will get the email and be all set soon.

    PrincessEpona, thank you so much for the links and information. That is very helpful to know. Thanks for talking the time to inform me of that. I am glad I found this board to read and learn and talk.
     
  12. PrincessEpona

    PrincessEpona Chatterbox Alumni Volunteer SRG Leader SRG A5 SRG B5 SRG C5 SRG D5 SRG E5 Emerald

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    My pleasure, GB33. Please keep talking with us here until your activation goes through.
     
  13. GB33

    GB33 Member

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    PrincessEpona, thanks I will check later to see what is going on with the email. But I appreciate the support and stuff. I think the thing that hits me the most is we are supposed to be as one and partners for life and to find this out been a tough pill to swallow.

    I just wish she could have talked me. And feels like the person I been sharing my life with is not the person I knew at all. My mind goes in a million directions and you questions everything. It stinks to think she would do this life changing choice not together or making it based off stuff I have no control over. You cant help but feel little unworthy in your own self worth.

    Sorry I am rambling.
     
  14. Trigeo

    Trigeo The Serial Poster Staff Member Administrator Super Moderator Moderator SRG Leader Technical Administrator Support Specialist Manager SRG A5 SRG B5 SRG C5 SRG G5 Yellow Rose Turquoise butterfly Emerald Hot Drink Angel February Leaves

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    You're not rambling at all...or, at least if you are, nearly each of us here has done it, too. These thoughts, feelings, and questions are all valid ones. Is your partner willing/able to talk about the abortion and her feelings and reasons for it? She is likely going through a lot right now. You may not think so, since she "chose," but so many of us have gone on to suffer after our choices, both visibly snd internally. Or you may well realize this - it's just that there's this perception that, having chose, we don't, shouldn't, or can't grieve. She would be your best source, of course, as the rest of us can only offer ideas and suggestions but not the facts of your personal situation. I hope your account gets figured out soon. This board is only seen by volunteers, whereas on the boards you will have access to the full community of support. Keep talking; we're listening.
     
  15. GB33

    GB33 Member

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    Is it possible to change my email address? I think that is why I am not getting the approval email. I set it up with my work one but they might be blocking it. I went it to try and put another one in and it said I could not do that.

    Thanks.
     
  16. PrincessEpona

    PrincessEpona Chatterbox Alumni Volunteer SRG Leader SRG A5 SRG B5 SRG C5 SRG D5 SRG E5 Emerald

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    Let me see if I can get in touch with someone to help you with this. Either me or someone else will get back to you asap.
     
  17. ~Karen~

    ~Karen~ ✿*¨✿¨*✿*¨✿¨*✿*¨✿¨*✿ SuperMod ~ Volunteer Manager ~ Super Moderator Alumni Volunteer

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    I have activated your account and it is quite likely an issue with your email address, although if you log in now and change it you will need to await a new verification code but you should be able to access the boards. Please look for the Men,Relatives and Friends board to post on.

    Also, the boards are neutral in terms of personal beliefs in relation to ab so we ask members not to state these in their posts :)