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Regret

Discussion in 'Guest Board' started by Moni Mon, Oct 30, 2018.

  1. Moni Mon

    Moni Mon Guest

    I had an abortion June 16th of this year. Initially I thought it was the right thing to do because I just started a new job in Feb and got pregnant in March. It was the wrong timing and plus I want to go back to school. At the time, I really loved my boyfriend. Initially he didn’t want me to get an abortion but then he confessed and said he agreed that we weren’t ready for a child. In turn he kept reneging and said he don’t agree with abortion but in turn told me that I should and what ever my decision was he would support me. I decided to get an abortion because it was the wrong timing and we as a couple or as people weren’t ready. I want to make sure I complete my education and start my dream career before I birth any kids. He on the other hand wasn’t trying to find a better job than the one he had and all he did was drink and abuse painkillers. When he got paid he always went shopping for himself. When we went out I always paid MOST of the time. When he found out I was pregnant he did NOTHING for me. I remember like it was yesterday that I told him before going into work that I was sick and that I threw up like 3 times. He told me to take my ass to work that I’ll be ok. I was craving apples and oranges and not once did he offer me anything. I felt like I was alone. I only had my sister to make sure I ate and made sure I had money in my pocket when I was broke. I fault myself for ignoring all the red flags I seen in him because I really loved him. I often hate myself because I feel like if I wouldn’t have ignored them I wouldn’t have been through none of it. I regret my decision so much I feel horrible. I still think about it every single day. I don’t cry everyday single but I still have my moments. I feel like people don’t understand unless they really been through something like this. I’m sensitive to seeing babies and pregnant people because it makes me feel guilty for what I did. And constantly, I think about what would’ve been if I hadn’t gotten an abortion. I haven’t forgiven myself for it and I don’t know if I will be able too. I pray to God for forgiveness. I really fell into a deep depression for a couple months. I’m at a place now go where I get out more. I try to avoid going places to where I would see him or his mother but unfortunately I have seen them and when I do my blood boils. His mother condemned me for doing the same thing she did and I can’t understand why. I often wonder what’s the difference between me and the next person? I’m not a bad person Lord knows I’m not. I do regret my decision. I learned from my mistake I truly have.
     
  2. BabyWhite

    BabyWhite Guest

    I too have had an abortion, actually just 2 weeks ago. I regret it with every cell in my being, I was so selfish. I have a good job and could have found a way to add the final 'burden' of it all to my life. Already having a kid in kindergarten I'm not knew to what to do or how to. The thing is, I was terrible. I cheated on my bf of 5yrs for someone I knew could offer me good sex with no emotion. It's all I wanted and needed that day and I went out and got it like it was on my grocery list. The same thing I have shammed girls for. Fast forward to the next day I just happen to log into my "flo app" and saw that me and "mr" had sex on a 'low chance to get pregnant day' so I went to cvs and purchased and took there brand of the plan B bc $10 less seemed like a deal at the time... I'm never late but this month I was. I knew instantly. That it was most defiantly his and not my bfs. Fast fwd, I talked to MR and he agreed he also with a kid my child's age wasn't ready for another nor how he would explain knocking up "a 1x fling" to his family. Newly divorced & finally on good terms with ex wife and baby mama he to thought abortion was the best way out. Fast fwd again. I'm 5w5d I took the pill, then pill(s) the next day. And that was it. Just like that, our baby was gone. I live in a lie of having my bf just believe I simply miscarried early on, even though Iv never said the words "our baby" or "your baby" to him bc it wasn't... he doesn't morn with me he's relieved actually bc he doesn't want another either. Though I would have never stayed with him and it been another man's child. Also selfish, bc I don't want to leave him bc I'm finally comfortable where I am and I'm scared of change. I feel like I'v left alot out but for know, that's my story... I cry almost everyday. I feel like I don't deserve another baby when/ if the time ever came up again bc of the injustice I did mine and MR'S baby. My heart is broken.