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Roller Coaster of Pain

Discussion in 'Guest Board' started by Unregistered, Jan 9, 2013.

  1. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    It hasn't been a week, I was pressured by the father to terminate..

    I was so happy at first even though it was unplanned. His thoughts were unplanned and unwanted, although I didn't feel it was unwanted. Im going through an emotional roller coaster daily, minute by minute.. I feel so guilty about what I did.

    I should've run out of that clinic that day, I wish I could go back in time and change it all but I can't...

    I pray that my baby is safe and will forgive me for what I did, I feel like I have failed him/her as its mother... I just want my baby back, but it won't happen.

    I'm lying to my mother saying I miscarried because I am so ashamed of what I did.

    I have found a wonderful counsellor and she gives me hope, but still being so raw it is hard to hold on to that at times.
     
  2. ~Karen~

    ~Karen~ ✿*¨✿¨*✿*¨✿¨*✿*¨✿¨*✿ SuperMod ~ Volunteer Manager ~ Super Moderator Alumni Volunteer

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2003
    Messages:
    107,474
    Location:
    Glos, England
    I am sorry that you're going through this - please do consider creating an account so you can post on our support boards - its a lovely, neutral safe place to post to work through that rawness.

    Hugs to you!
     
  3. Rowanoak

    Rowanoak 'Be kind to people, for everyone you meet is fight Alumni Volunteer

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2010
    Messages:
    12,203
    Location:
    USA
    Hi, I'm very sorry for your loss. I also hope you'll register as a member, the support here is truly incredible. Our stories are all so different, and yet everyone understands very well.

    +s
     
  4. Miss Chip

    Miss Chip Self confessed chocoholic! Staff Member Administrator Moderator SRG Leader Technical Administrator Tech Support SRG A5 SRG C5 SRG D5 SRG E5 SRG F5 Emerald England

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2009
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    Female
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    England
    I'm so sorry you are struggling right now. It's common to have these feelings and you are not alone. And you really aren't the first to tell others you miscarried either. I'm glad you have found an awesome counsellor. Talking is really helpful, and if you want to chat to others who understand completely then register an account here with us. Everyone is so friendly and we will also be able to support you through this journey too. :)
     
  5. letsgo

    letsgo Member Alumni Volunteer

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2011
    Messages:
    2,866
    Location:
    New England
    Sorry you are having a difficult. i understand. Been there
    be gentle with yourself.
    L
     
  6. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    So many of us have been right where you are now. It took me many months of just marking the days until I could slowly start to feel better and not feel every moment like I wanted to jump back in time. It's easy to forget the pressures that caused us to do it. You are only human. I am 41 and I had my ab 3 years ago, and I feel like I should have known better at my age. I never thought I could feel better for one moment - how could I, knowing I coudln't go back and change it??? But in time you realize you aren't perfect. Now I come here and help others, and I give my love to others too, while still learning from what happened and grieving the unborn child. Hang in there. Please register here and keep posting.
     
  7. Alyce

    Alyce Is there a support group for office supply addicti Alumni Volunteer

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2012
    Messages:
    4,921
    Location:
    Summerville, South Carolina, USA
    Yes, please do come and join us. We are all here to support each other. I am so sorry that you are hurting.
     
  8. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    I am new here, & have just registered for an account. I am 43 and had ab almost 4 years ago. I feel I was coerced and have not been able to forgive myself for betraying both him/her or myself. I have always wanted children & still can't believe I was stupid enough to believe a liar (who broke up with mr shortly afterwards to go out with someone 10 years younger). I too feel I should have known better. I have not been able to start new relationships or even maintain old ones since. I no longer trust anyone, least of all myself. I had counselling with my partner at the time and feel betrayed by the counsellors also. All my friends & siblings are married w children & I love them but even that has been torture. I experienced bad sleep, stopped eating much, quit my job after a year of this, in late 2010. I am 43 now & grieve every day for my child & for the life without children I have cast upon myself. I believe i have ptsd & pass based on my own learnings. Anyway, it was nice to see your post & that there is someone out there a bit 'in the same boat'.
    Congrats on setting up this much needed site. I look forward to some of the more specific group forums, once my registration comes through. Love (& trying to let go of sadness & anger) xo
     
  9. Buckette

    Buckette Oldie Staff Member Administrator Super Moderator Moderator SRG Manager SRG Leader Technical Administrator Junior Support Specialist Manager Moderator Manager SRG A5 SRG B5 SRG C5 SRG D5 SRG G5 SRG F5 Sapphire Turquoise butterfly Emerald

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2009
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    26,813
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    Oregon
    I'm so glad you registered, there are quite a few of us who have found these boards quite awhile afterwards and I just want you to know it's never too late.

    See you on the main boards, hun.