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[struggling!] Sad and suffering

Discussion in 'Guest Board' started by Unregistered, Feb 24, 2017.

  1. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    I had an abortion 7 weeks ago today and I was 7.5 weeks pregnant at the time. I'm 38 yrs old and already have 2 children 5 and 3. I decided to not keep it because I was already overwhelmed juggling 2 kids and my career. My husband as well was overwhelmed. I was ambivalent the whole time and took me 3 weeks to make a decision. Some days I decided to keep it to see how I would feel. I felt a little giddy but then fear of all the responsibilities crept in and i thought I could not handle another. The times i thought i didn't want to keep it i had fear creep all over me but felt relieved from all of the responsibilities. I undermined the potentially guilt I would feel if I didn't keep it. The day I went for the procedure I was so exhausted by the back and forth I just wanted it to all end. Thinking that not keeping it the suffering would just stop. Instead it continued and amplified itself. My Husmand was with me the whole time and he just supported whatever decision I made not wanting to influence me one way or another. My heart is broken and I now realise that the day I got pregnant life as I knew it was over whether i kept it or not. But the life i now chose I live with guilt, regret and deep sadness. I can't seem to spend a second without thinking of my baby.
     
  2. Trigeo

    Trigeo The Serial Poster Staff Member Administrator Super Moderator Moderator SRG Leader Technical Administrator Support Specialist Manager SRG A5 SRG B5 SRG C5 SRG G5 Yellow Rose Turquoise butterfly Emerald Hot Drink Angel February Leaves

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    I'm so glad to see you registered for an account on the main boards. Peaceful hugs to you.
     
  3. Miss Chip

    Miss Chip Self confessed chocoholic! Staff Member Administrator Moderator SRG Leader Technical Administrator Tech Support SRG A5 SRG C5 SRG D5 SRG E5 SRG F5 Emerald England

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    I'm glad you decided to create an account. I have replied to your thread on the main boards. Hugs
     
  4. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    Hello, I could have written your post. I also terminated my third pregnancy in October last year. I have a 7 and 5 year old. I am 39. I actually love the idea of three kids long term, but getting through the baby years, all the day care drop offs and pick ups (I work x4 days) seemed overwhelming. I have felt sad, guilty and depressed since that day. To add to it, my sister in law is pregnant with her second due same month. So now I am facing a lifetime of Han having a niece or nephew as a reminder... Some days are ok, but I just don't feel the same and now I regret my choice as I now face a lifetime living with this choice rather than a few hard years of pregnancy and infant.
     
  5. Trigeo

    Trigeo The Serial Poster Staff Member Administrator Super Moderator Moderator SRG Leader Technical Administrator Support Specialist Manager SRG A5 SRG B5 SRG C5 SRG G5 Yellow Rose Turquoise butterfly Emerald Hot Drink Angel February Leaves

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    Canada
    Unregistered, I hope you will register for an account and join us on the main boards. Healing is a difficult process, but I promise you it is possible, and the support you can receive on the boards is amazing and invaluable.
     
  6. Brokenfairy

    Brokenfairy Look at the stars; look how they shine for you... Alumni Volunteer

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    Did you manage to register an account with us so we can support you through this? X