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That time of year,

Discussion in 'Guest Board' started by Unregistered, Feb 25, 2013.

  1. Unregistered

    Unregistered Guest

    8 years ago I had an abortion, I felt at the time I had to do it without support. I was a single mum to a 5 year old, I was in a new relationship with someone whom I felt at the time would not support me. It was the worst time as the father was away with work and had just left for 8 weeks. I had to make the choice without anyone else being aware.

    So I went ahead with it, I remember putting my best friend down as next of kin as I really didn't want my parents to be aware of what was happening. Although it was 8 years ago I still remember everything about that day, I remember waking up and asking the time a lot. (my daughter was at nursary and needed picking up at 19:00) I remember being on auto pilot and leaving the hospital feeling rather crap but having to gt my daughter. I remember when I was finally in bed and put the phone down from the father who still did not know, I cried.

    Every year for the month of February and march I remember the events of that day and those around it. I find myself crying, thinking about the child, hoping that if there is a heaven it went there. I don't think I will ever really get over it and I find myself asking what if, what would have been and how life would be different. For 10 months of the year I don't regret I don't think about it but these two months are a reminder of what I did. The father was told about 5 years ago and he grieved for the child. He understands why I did it, he does wish it could have been differently. He asks when I didit however I have never told him. My family are also now aware but again they don't know the day. I find it hard to admit to those close the day I had the abortion because the fathers grieving was more then enough to handle.

    It was always effect me, and I don't think I will ever get over the choices I made. At the time I could not handle full time nursing, full time motherhood and being a normal adult. I now look back and think of how selfish I was not choose that line. However the best thing about time is you have time to contemplate. When your pregnant and only have a matter of weeks to choose a life changing thing, the time is not enough.

    I wish I had more time. I wish things were different and sometimes I find myself grieving. It's always a struggle.
     
  2. Buckette

    Buckette Oldie Staff Member Administrator Super Moderator Moderator SRG Manager SRG Leader Technical Administrator Junior Support Specialist Manager Moderator Manager SRG A5 SRG B5 SRG C5 SRG D5 SRG G5 SRG F5 Sapphire Turquoise butterfly Emerald

    Joined:
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    (((hugs))) I'm so sorry for the pain you have gone through and the pain you are going through.

    Please do register and come on to the main boards....there are many there you will identify with and we all understand the emotions you are dealing with. The guest board is only seen by administrators and volunteers, but there are many inside who are ready to support and help. Each of our stories is unique, but the feelings are remarkably similar and we all really do understand because we've all been there or are there.

    It's a good, safe, neutral place where no one is ever judged and no one is ever doubted. You aren't alone, hun.
     
  3. strawberryfields1

    strawberryfields1 If you gave me a chance I would take it, it's a sh Alumni Volunteer

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2012
    Messages:
    2,514
    Location:
    England
    Big hugs ab anniversaries are often really difficult times. I hope your register, all the ladies here are amazing and very supportive and non judgemental :) You are so right about only having a couple of weeks, not enough time to make a fully informed decision. You made the choices you did with the information you had available at the time and that's all that can be asked of you, please try not to judge yourself too harshly xx